I've been keeping my fingers crossed this entire time for my new venture to work. Half of the year is already down the drain and all I managed to get out of this is about 16% of the investment we put in. On the brighter side of things, I am not losing money, which I should be thankful for given that I am 100% distracted since April. With no decent yaya to look after my little man I have to juggle business with being a 24/7 hands on mom and sometimes business doesn't mix well with a toddler pestering me every chance he gets. It's crazy so I was forced to give up my office and work from home, which is kind of okay since I was able to cut on costs and increase my profit, but my focus has gone haywire. While doing work I have to do all the chores too--the cooking, the steaming of clean clothes (since I don't know how to iron), segregating laundry (I have our clothes laundered at a nearby shop), washing dishes, bottle washing/ sterilization (now that Caleb's on 100% formula feeding), taking care of Caleb & his needs & all the attention he needs & man that's huge, which takes up half of my day if not wholly. I literally don't have a "me" time and sometimes it just gets to my nerves but I keep mum about it. Who am I to complain? True, this is not the life I got used to...we used to have house helps at home I don't even have to wash a single dish my entire adolescent life much less cook or steam clothes (even after college & during my single days afterwards)...I've always been independent and did all the things I wanted to do and now, I can't even have a pedicure every time I fancy or at least once a month, my activities are limited by my destroyer, yet this is the life I am in and as Richard Carlson puts it "don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff..." I am hanging on to that every time I am losing it.
Sometimes though all I wanted to do is shout to the world all my frustrations just for release. I want to crawl back to my mom and ask her to adopt me and Caleb and take care of us. These are the times I appreciate my mom the most--it's not easy being a mother and she took care of all 8 of us without qualms & here I am secretly complaining about my situation. I know I should be stronger and lighthearted in approaching this but sometimes I just feel so alone like I could no longer count on anyone, even my husband, in bettering my condition. I mean all I wanted is at least twice a month "me" time like just go out all by myself just to clear my head and revive my senses and my entire system, but I have no one to leave Caleb with. My mom's too far and my husband's busy with corporate life and during the weekends he just wants to sleep and he definitely does not enjoy looking after Caleb. He finds it too tasking. So I sort off arranged a monthly meet up with my HS friends, that's the best I was able to come up with, so that I'd have my "me" time and it's working quite well for the past 2 months. I really enjoy going out with other people other than my husband, his family and Caleb (and my work staff at that). It's a breather for me. I used to be a social butterfly and this monthly rendezvous is keeping me sane, a break from the daily routine. I could laugh and relax and not worry all the time about Caleb, if he's okay and well fed and clean. If I could only fish out one more day, just to myself, that would be a blast!
I am finding it hard to schedule meetings too, like recently, someone wants to set a meeting with me because she's interested to hire me for a freelance job for my layouts and I can not schedule the meeting because no one's going to look after my son. I feel stuck sometimes. If I was living with my mom it would have been breezy. I really miss my family. Seeing them mid week made me miss them more. I guess I just miss being taken care of the way they take care of me.
I was supposed to talk about business but here I am babbling about my current state. I guess these are one of those breaking point days when the weather is gloomy and my mind has become equally clouded. But no worries, I am always rooting for the positive side of things. To end this piece I shall keep the optimism...
Sometimes though all I wanted to do is shout to the world all my frustrations just for release. I want to crawl back to my mom and ask her to adopt me and Caleb and take care of us. These are the times I appreciate my mom the most--it's not easy being a mother and she took care of all 8 of us without qualms & here I am secretly complaining about my situation. I know I should be stronger and lighthearted in approaching this but sometimes I just feel so alone like I could no longer count on anyone, even my husband, in bettering my condition. I mean all I wanted is at least twice a month "me" time like just go out all by myself just to clear my head and revive my senses and my entire system, but I have no one to leave Caleb with. My mom's too far and my husband's busy with corporate life and during the weekends he just wants to sleep and he definitely does not enjoy looking after Caleb. He finds it too tasking. So I sort off arranged a monthly meet up with my HS friends, that's the best I was able to come up with, so that I'd have my "me" time and it's working quite well for the past 2 months. I really enjoy going out with other people other than my husband, his family and Caleb (and my work staff at that). It's a breather for me. I used to be a social butterfly and this monthly rendezvous is keeping me sane, a break from the daily routine. I could laugh and relax and not worry all the time about Caleb, if he's okay and well fed and clean. If I could only fish out one more day, just to myself, that would be a blast!
I am finding it hard to schedule meetings too, like recently, someone wants to set a meeting with me because she's interested to hire me for a freelance job for my layouts and I can not schedule the meeting because no one's going to look after my son. I feel stuck sometimes. If I was living with my mom it would have been breezy. I really miss my family. Seeing them mid week made me miss them more. I guess I just miss being taken care of the way they take care of me.
I was supposed to talk about business but here I am babbling about my current state. I guess these are one of those breaking point days when the weather is gloomy and my mind has become equally clouded. But no worries, I am always rooting for the positive side of things. To end this piece I shall keep the optimism...
"Our limited perspective, our hopes and fears become our measure of life,
and when circumstances don't fit our ideas, they become our difficulties."
-Benjamin Franklin-
and when circumstances don't fit our ideas, they become our difficulties."
-Benjamin Franklin-
I could use a dose of that.